Have You Lost Your Mind, "Brother"?!

First a bit of a sidenote/rant: If you are looking for a fail-proof way to lose a foot, spend the next 2 days scrubbing tread marks off your lower leg or longing to meet my if-you-don-t-get-the-eff-away-from-me stare, please roll up on me trying to sell a copy of your FINAL CALL!

Now with that out of the way... back to the regularly scheduled programming.

A few days ago I took my son in for a hair cut. The barber shop I always use is owned and operated by a middle aged black man who's Muslim. I love the way he cuts my son's hair... And I love the fact that he's not very talkative.

I figure if I'm only in there a couple of times a month the small talk isn't all that necessary. He's friendly enough. I usually let the television fill the empty airspace caused by a lack of conversation.

Well the last time I visited (about a week or so ago) he wasn't his usual quiet self. He was very animated which took a little getting used to. He talked about Wisconsin. He talked about Egypt. He talked about the President. He talked about EVERYTHING.

I nodded in passive agreement on most issues while I continued to watch TV. Then he caught my full attention with the following diatribe:

I'm not fond of Republicans. But I'm SO glad they've decided to STOP FUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD! The most dangerous place for a black child in America is in his mother's womb...

I looked at him for what I imagine was a few seconds before I responded. You see from what I've seen over the past few years... there are a hell of a lot more dangerous places for a black child - home, school, the streets, etc.

So I asked him what he meant...

He continues:

There are too many black babies being cast away through abortion. And I'm sick of it.

Is this guy nuts?

I inform him that PLANNED PARENTHOOD is about EVERYTHING the black child and community needs EXCEPT abortion. Abortions haven't been government funded since the 1970's.

What PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS about is contraceptives, safe sex practices, medical screenings for cancer, early screenings and TREATMENT of STDs, pregnancy screening and counseling, mammograms and sex education.

Have you lost your mind, brother?! (is what I wanted to say)

Your lack of knowledge about the Title X program which is the only federal program dedicated solely to providing individuals with comprehensive family planning and preventive health services, particularly low-income families is just another nail in the coffin for the black child you're so concerned about. It's not about abortion.

It's about cutting health care (sometimes the ONLY health care) for millions of women - including black women. The mother's of the children you're so CONCERNED about!

The air again filled with the quiet I'm accustomed to. As I was leaving, I paid... said thank you... and accepted The Final Call newspaper that he offered me (on the house, of course).

What I read in it is a whole 'NOTHER post!

Stand With Planned Parenthood!

SIDENOTE II - MY REPRESENTATIVE, BENNIE THOMPSON, STOOD WITH WOMEN AND FOR WOMEN ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY AND VOTED AGAINST THIS HORRIFIC LEGISLATION - VISIT HERE TO SEE HOW YOUR REP VOTED...

Sorry Guys... Beyonce and Her "Black Face" Don't Offend Me

The net is abuzz... I mean ABUZZ about French magazine L'Officiel's photo spread of Beyonce for their 90th birthday issue. In the shoot, which is a tribute to musician-activist Fela Kuti, the pop songstress’s skin will be darkened. (She volunteered.) But only on the inside of the magazine will readers see Beyoncé with the new skin tone.

Guys... let me just tell ya - FOLKS ARE PISSED. You can check out several viewpoints here, here, here and here. For some it's a painful reminder of the infamous vaudeville blackface that stereotyped, belittled and ridiculed blacks in the early 1900s.

Really?

These photos are far more offensive and speak volumes about what some think it takes in THIS society to make it -

From African Queen to Mattel Barbie!!!

Don't Ask To Touch My Hair!

Dude!

The moment I saw this pic I was affected. I wasn't surprised. I wasn't amused. And I certainly wasn't happy. I knew exactly how Esperanza Spalding was feeling - like saying Little boy WTF is wrong with you! But I guess after winning your first Grammy... almost anything is palatable for a little while.

I'm not being harsh folks... really I'm not.
Unless you've experienced the can-I-touch-it's or the sudden-realization-that-someone's-hand-is-in-your-hair you might find this picture harmless. You might even consider it endearing. But before you come to that conclusion I ask that you read the post at Womanist Musings and the one over at Racialious and then let me know what you think about Mr. Bieber's actions.

Very interesting. And while you're at it -

My Google Doodle Obsession!

Nothing other than my complete obsession with Google Doodles inspired this post. This is one awesome doodle.... Happy Birthday dude!

Reset Your Life: Day 16 - You Want Me To Do What?!

There aren't many things in life that are a sure thing. That slot machine that jackpots for someone else every time you've been to the casino probably won't jackpot for you. That new hair color your girlfriend's cousin had done at the beauty salon last weekend, which was just the color you've been trying to achieve more than likely won't turn out the way you've imagined it a million times.

It's just life. There are no guarantees.... except one.

I can assure each and everyone of you who've been so gracious as to visit and read more of my jibberish that there will come a day that will be your last. Yes, my dearies. Death will come to us all.

The Great Equalizer.

So far I've been cranking out my 31 days to reset your life exercises without a problem. Each exercise builds from the previous one... hopefully placing you in a much better spot with a far better frame of mind and outlook after the 31 days are up. Day 15's exercise was to imagine your perfect day... piece of cake. Then Day 16....

Day 16's task caught me just a little off guard.

I am to write my own eulogy. Simple enough, right?

Wrong!

It's not that it's too morbid or depressing. I understand the exercise will give me an opportunity to think about how I want to be remembered. What mark I want to make on this world before I die? What I want to contribute or what I want to be known for in my life?

It's just the stark awareness this type exercise brings to the brevity and finality of my existence.

I want to accomplish so much. I want to love so much. I want to see so much.

It's hard to imagine it'll all be over - THE END - one day.

But the only way to avoid death is to never have lived life. And I wouldn't have missed this journey for anything in the world or beyond.

So, I guess I'll grow a pair and write my eulogy.

....to be continued

Multiracial - And Why Is That Not Enough

Those highly compensated marketing/sales experts are really good. I've got to give it to the folks that spend hours coming up with the perfect magazine cover; the masterminds behind the strategic placement of items in a store and then magically bewitch these items with the ability to silently call out to you as you're standing in line with no plans of purchasing another things.

Genius!

The March edition of Ebony Magazine is sharing my bed with me as we speak because of stellar work by the gurus and guru-ettes I previously mentioned.

Halle was so radiant on the front cover and the tagline Academy Awards, Relationships, Motherhood and the Insatiable Appetite of Halle Berry... now if that isn't enough to make you piss $3.99 in the wind... I don't know what is.

I don't usually do magazines, especially these type. They're full of fluff, pricey advertisements and broad generalizations about all sorts of topics that serve as nothing more than entertainment on a quiet night. And trust me, I can entertain myself for far less than $3.99.

But I just had to have this issue. Damn geniuses!

I flipped right to the Halle interview - doubt if I'll read any more than that. But the pictures will be nice to look at.

As usual Halley had several photos, a lengthy intro and the main course of Q&A. She elaborated on most of the areas mentioned in the tagline... plus a few others - her hair, specifically her signature short hair, her flawless beauty, her charities and her childhood.

The one exchange that interested me the most was when the interviewer asked Berry if she thought of her child as black or multiracial.

It caught me off guard. I mean... Halle is biracial. Gabriel Aubry is French Canadian. So, ummm... do the math.

Then I remembered Halle is considered by most (including herself) as a black woman. She reiterates this fact in her answer:

....I think that's something she's going to have to decide. I'm not going to put a label on it. I had to decide for myself, and that's what she's going to have to decide - how she identifies herself in the world...... But I feel she's Black. I'm Black and I'm her mother, and I believe in the one-drop theory....

The One-Drop Theory.

 Little Nahla is just as much white, actually more so, as she is black. And the I-feel-she's-black-because-I'm-black-and-I'm-her-mother  is a walking contradiction, considering the fact that Halle's mother is white.

 Halle's answer is based on her knowledge of how society will likely view her child. It won't matter that she's only partially black. Black is black whether you subscribe to the same rule as Berry or not.

I imagine it's extremely difficult to discount a significant percentage of you genetic make up simply to suit the way the world perceives you. And why does it have to be that way.

I remember when Tiger, Lord, yes, him... caught a great deal of flack from the black community because he didn't identify as being solely black.

Who cares!?

Can't multiracial be enough? Or if not, can't each race at least carry the same weight

I've often heard people describe themselves as German, Irish and Italian... or Hispanic and Kurdish (well, maybe not Hispanic and Kurdish... but that combination exists some where, I'm sure.)   (*wink!)

Maybe it's me. Perhaps I'm confusing ethnicity with nationality. Kind of like the Jewish thing... is it a nationality, ethnic group, faith or all of the above.

What's your take on Halle's answer or society's views?

Music! Music! Music! - Congrats Esperanza!

Little did I know when I used this beauty as visual imagery for my post But He Likes Long Hair - Question Is Whose? she would be awarded the Grammy for New Artist of Year a month later. If you hadn't heard of her or her music, you will!



BTW...Loving the Fro!!! - of course

31 Days To Reset Your Life: Day 13 - 100 Things That Make Me Happy

I hope I'm not completely defeating the purpose but I haven't been following my 31 Days to Reset Your Life on a daily basis. I'm through Day 12 (as of about a week ago). Today's task is to list 100 things that make me happy. Ahhh... the sheer power of simplicity.

When I think of this exercise the saying "knowing is half the battle" comes to mind. For once we truly define where our happiness lies, nothing can or should keep us from seeking out that which is essential to us achieving it!

So, here's my list -

1. my children
2. my family (mom, sis, aunts, uncles, a few cousins)
3. writing
4. walking into a fresh smelling house
5. my kittehs
6. regularity (snickering uncontrollably)
7. kissing
8. sleeping without restraint (no alarm clock cause there's no place I need to be)
9. watching a good suspense movie
10. reading a great novel with abandon
11. candied yams
12. McDonald's french fries
13. Cognac
14. laughing until I cry
15. having perfect hair
16. sitting on the porch enjoying a cool summer's breeze
17. NYC
18. dinner and a movie (away from home)
19. snuggling under a blanket allowing the television to watch me
20. chocolate covered almonds
21. pre-intoxication tipsy (ha!)
22. my friends
23. puppy breath
24. horse playing
25. Red Bull Good Health!
26. FaceBook
27. making love
28. my solitude (me time)
29. photography
30. Jordan and Devyn
31. getting an unexpected check in the mail (woo hoo BlogHer!!)
32. YouTube
33. being the life of the party
34. the 3000+ songs on my iPod
35. intelligent people
36. meeting centenarians who are still independent
37. my classmates
38. great tennis
39. the Olympics
40. carrot cake
41. pecans
42. great skin
43. bubble baths
44. flannel sheets
45. dancing alone
46. singing and occasionally sounding pretty good
47. shoes!!!!!!!!!
48. hugs that end with forehead kisses
49. my Blackberry
50. Inconsequential Logic
51. quiet nights at work
52. potluck
53. my birthday
54. New Year's Eve/Day
55. Mother's Day
56. completing a crossword puzzle
57. the smell of vanilla
58. Polo Black
59. self discipline
60. concerts
61. anything and everything Marvin Gaye
62. Benadryl
63. Pizza Hut cinnastix
64. peach tea
65. long island ice tea
66. knowing i look good - we all have those moments
67. being trusted
68. being loved
69. the internet
70. GOOGLE!!
71. helping those who cannot help themselves
72. Meryl Streep
73. Family Guy (Stewie!!!!!)
74. John Coltrane
75. White Zinfandel
76. Positive people
77. The History Channel
78. eyeliner
79. Carmex!
80. listening to the snap, crackle and pop of a ginormous bowl of rice crispies
81. thinking about my childhood
82. being left handed
83. smart people
84. Mercedes Benz AMG (OMG!!!)
85. Kettle corn
86. three pay days a month instead of just two!
87. happy babies
88. my home
89. Blogger and Disqus (they rock)
90. family day
91. grits
92. massages
93. Anthony Hopkins
94. driving when mostly everyone else ISN'T
95. the perfect black dress
96. my home (clean!)
97. my life (what i've lived, loved, endured, and overcome complete me)
98. self improvement
99. a good cry
100. completion

The Dangers of Anonymity - The Delta Scoop

A couple of weeks ago I discovered a blog about my home town. It's not one of those Southern-charm-there's-nothing-better-than-small-town-living types of blogs. This bad boy is hard hitting and well written.

The author ends all of his posts with the pen name Forthright. Many of his posts have hammered away like a chisel to an ice sculpture at our local hospital, Delta Regional Medical Center. Rumors have circulated around the hospital about who the author may or may not be.

Who he or she is is irrelevant to me. What he/she has to say is paramount.

I don't watch the local news. So, reading this blog gives me a little of what I miss  by not watching or subscribing to the local newspaper.

The only down side to the entire situation is the commenting. If you've followed my blog for any period of time, you know how I feel about commenting. I LOVE COMMENTS! The more the merrier.

The number of comments this blog receives isn't the problem.

The author usually posts once every two weeks and sometimes he/she won't post for a month or more. But once the post is up... the comments start falling through every crack, dark hole and domicile in cyberspace which brings me to the purpose of my post.

Anonymity is a DANGEROUS thing!

Every comment with the exception of mine and a few I've read from older posts are anonymous. The comments are generally racist, rant-filled, finger pointing written exchanges by the "concerned citizens" of our city about what a horrible place it is - crime, lack of jobs, people moving away, incompetent city government and black people are the root of all that is wrong.


And let's just say for the sake of not boring you with too much more of this fiasco they're right. Now that we know what the problems are .... WHAT CAN WE DO AS A COMMUNITY TO CHANGE IT??? Easy enough question for "concerned citizens", right?

A few days ago I read the author's latest post.... left a pretty lengthy comment on things we could do as a community to facilitate the change our city needs. Then I clicked back over to Facebook (that's been my hangout lately) and checked back every other day or so for a response.

This morning I found this response to the comment I left:

ROSCHELLE you are too busy looking up words in the dictionary to use in your posts with no solutions yourself. We all know what the problems are so you need not point them out. G'ville is dead and steady losing steam and about to be a ghost town. Just admit you made a mistake by choosing G'ville to live and raise your family. Unless your one of the ones riding the gravy train then most of your taxes and money are going to those that move here to hitch a ride on the train. Not one company will ever open its doors here in G'ville so forget about that. Agriculture is a joke ,most of the land is owned by foreign companies and they ship the money out of the country for tax puposes.

PERHAPS IF THIS PERSON HAD UTILIZED WHAT HE'S ACCUSING ME OF USING AS SOME SORT OF INTELLECTUAL CRUTCH, THERE WOULDN'T BE SO MANY ERRORS REGARDING BASIC KNOWLEDGE OF CONTRACTIONS, SENTENCE STRUCTURE OR MISSPELLED WORDS!

I was livid (and just in case Citizen Anonymous happens over to read this post... NO I didn't have to look livid up in the dictionary - I'm kinda good like that!)

But I digress.

My hands were trembling when I banged out the following response:

at the anonymous "person" who responded to my comment, let me clarify a few things for you. first, i rarely utilize a dictionary. my vocabulary is relatively extensive. But on the rare occasion that I'm faced with uncertainty about a word choice...what better place to look?


you act as if using a dictionary denotes some type of intellectual deficit. when in all honesty NOT using one because you're too wrapped up in attempting to belittle others with your own limited supply is far more idiotic.


next, i didn't choose greenville. it chose me. i was born here and have worked since i was sixteen years old. so, unless my gravy train has been hitched to a time clock for the last 25 years i'm not included in those you've blamed for turning greenville into a ghost town.


finally, since you seem to know what the problem is and have peered into your crystal ball at our city's bleak future i say again

(only this time with a bit more clarity).


if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem! the author of the blog (God, I hope it's not you) seems to have his facts straight.


comments should add to the conversation not become the equivalent to antics on an elementary school playground.

I'm beginning to think the Delta Scoop was a big waste of time.

One thing's for sure. The name suits the site perfectly because it's a lot of bovine excrement flying over there.

Damn it! There I go with those big words again ... ugh!

A Letter To The Unborn

Samuel Armas b. 12/2/1999 - 4 months after his first surgery!

My child,

In the life ahead of you, keep your capacity for faith and belief, but let your judgment watch what you believe. Keep your love of life, but throw away your fear of death.

Life must be loved or it is lost, but it should never be loved too well.

Keep your wonder at great and noble things, like sunlight and thunder, the rain and the stars, and the greatness of heroes.

Keep your heart hungry for new knowledge. Keep your hatred of a lie, and keep your power of indignation. . .

I am ashamed to leave you an uncomfortable world, but someday it will be better. And when that day comes, you will thank God for the greatest blessing man can receive, living in peace.

Letter from an executed Yugoslav partisan to his unborn child in World War II

Samuel today

National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day - Really??

What the hell is this brochure actually saying?!

Oh my God! There are so many things I want to say, share, vent, rant, shout...

STOP! Breathe...

Okay...

Let's take it from the top. I arrived at work Friday night; picked up a bite to eat from the cafeteria; chatted with my colleagues (I really like that word. It makes me feel a lot more important than I actually am). After a little fellowshipping, I headed down the small corridor on the back side of the Emergency department toward the broken time clock. Well, it wasn't really broken. Badges were still being scanned. Time was still being recorded. The screen just was completely blank - no numbers, no way to tell what time you actually clocked in or out unless you looked at your watch.

To my surprise there was a brand spanking new time clock mounted on the wall. It was all colorful with neat buttons and a very sleek looking design. This modern marvel greets you with good morning, good evening and good bye (my favorite). It even has a section detailing upcoming events being sponsored by the hospital. Our next big community event - FREE HIV TESTING to be done on NATIONAL BLACK HIV/AIDS AWARENESS DAY.

I am the world's worst about paying attention to detail. I hadn't noticed the upcoming event section until a coworker approached the time clock and began to read it out loud.

NATIONAL BLACK HIV/AIDS AWARENESS DAY.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm all about patient/family/community education and obviously this is something much needed. Case and point - to the best of my knowledge in the entire seventeen years I've been a nurse I've only cared for .....wait for it.... ONE non-black person with HIV/AIDS (remember...to the best of my knowledge...we certainly don't always know and many people won't share that paramount tidbit with you). However, I CAN'T count the number of black men, women and yes, children that I've cared for that are carriers of this often lethal virus.

No. Wait. Yes, I can. I've only cared for one black child with HIV. He was ten years old and had been infected by his mother at birth...

Breathe....

What the hell is going on!!!! (Rhetorical)

This morning I visited the CDC website and the stats are numbing, depressing, and terrifying... and that's putting it mildly.


1. 1 in 16 black men will be diagnosed with HIV at some point in his lifetime, as will 1 in 30 black women.


2. Out of the one million people in America infected with HIV, nearly 50% of them are black.


3. The black American community, while making up only 13% of the population accounts for about 50% of all new infections

4. From 2005–2008, the rate of HIV diagnoses among blacks increased from 68 out of 100,000 persons to 74 out of 100,000!!!

This increase reflects the largest increase in rates of HIV diagnoses by race or ethnicity.


For the past 11 years, February 7th has been designated as National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. The theme for 2011 is It takes a village to fight HIV/AIDS!

Okay, that's fine and dandy and maybe we can all stand around the bed and hold hands singing Kumbaya while you idiots are continuing to have UNPROTECTED SEX!!!!!

Seriously!

Breathe....

Fighting HIV/AIDS may end in the village but it begins with you!

The CDC wants to shift the blame from the individual (and of course, I know some people do fall victim to assholes who aren't careful and infect their unsuspecting mate).

But I'm sorry CDC... your Social Determinants theory doesn't bode well with me.

Social Determinants of Health are the circumstances in which people are born, grow up, live, work, and age, as well as the systems put in place to deal with illness. Many of the same social and environmental factors that put black Americans at risk for other chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes are the very ones fueling the HIV epidemic in black communities.

That just DOES NOT COMPUTE! As a matter of fact, it's a damn lie!!

My father died of heart disease. My grandmother died of cancer. Several aunts, uncles, and cousins have hypertension.  Diabetes runs like a gazelle on weekend furlough throughout my family. Genetics predispose me to have at least some of these issues to deal with in my lifetime. Environmental factors such as the type cooking I grew up eating (had I not corrected this) might even be the culprit in my statistically below average future health and wellness projections...or my increased risk of heart attack, stroke, and other cardiovascular complications....or my significantly shorter lifespan simply because I'm a black woman as opposed to any other ethnic group of women on the planet! DAMN!

But I will NEVER buy into intentional, irrational and delusional thought processes that make one believe that could never happen to me. Because when it's all said and done - THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

It's about taking responsibility and being responsible... cut and dry!

Our emergency department offers FREE HIV/AIDS testing to EVERY single patient who's sexually active that walks through the door. The County Health Department offers FREE condoms to anyone that darkens their door. People have been screaming safe sex safe sex safe sex safe sex since Rock Hudson kissed Crystal Carrington!!!!

Stop making excuses!

Leave it in your pants!

If you know your man is on the hunt, give him an unrestricted license to hunt as you watch him  kick rocks!!


Wrap it up!


Get tested!


Seek treatment!


And be straight up!


You have control over your choices NOT the consequences....

If Children Live With...

I would imagine when Dorothy Law Nolte sat down and penned her famous poem Children Learn What They Live she never imagined it would become what some have called a child rearing anthem. I've heard the poem here and there my entire life. Some of the lines came to mind last weekend as I sat in the stands cheering my youngest son's elementary league basketball team to victory.


If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy....

The opposing team (my former elementary school) had two players on their team who didn't have the proper uniforms - a teeshirt with the school logo and mascot printed on the front... player's name and/or number on the back and matching shorts. The young boys had tattered long blue jeans on and sleeveless jersey style pull ons over their regular shirts compliments of some city park commission hand-me-downs found (I'm sure) in the gymnasium where the games are played.


If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty....

Looking at these innocent little fellas really made me painfully aware of how much we take for granted. Jacob has never had to go without. Hell, most of the time he has two of everything required.... one set for my house and another for his father's house.

I understand that everyone doesn't have the means to purchase uniforms, sports gear, etc. for their children. BUT my Lord.... the jerseys were $15 and the shorts even cheaper considering the fact that they come a dime a dozen at the local Wal-Mart.

My first thought was why wouldn't the school, the coaches, the teachers, other parents ... remember the PTA....chip in and buy these two little guys a real uniform.


If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn....

Imagine the joy of realizing you've been chosen to represent your school and the anguish of being paraded out on court looking completely different from your fellow teammates.

I'm no saint. But I know what it's like to even think you don't have the money or can't afford what other children have.

Short story - when I attended this very school from 1979 to 1981 I was in a school play. I had a small dancing part with three other girls. We were told we needed navy shorts and a white blouse.

I can't for the life of me remember why but I never divulged this information to my mother. Maybe I had overheard her talking about being recently laid off from work.... or maybe it was a conversation about scuffling hard to make ends meet.... or maybe someone at school who wasn't a recipient of the free lunch program had made a snarky remark as they placed their parent's check on the teacher's desk during roll call.

I don't know.

All I know is I marched into school the morning of the play with no navy shorts or white blouse. I remember the teachers scampering frantically to find some blue shorts and a white blouse somewhere in the confines of that school house to throw on me before the play began.

I was ashamed of my haphazard looking outfit. The other girls were pressed and neat as buttons in their blue and white. I performed well but I've never forgotten that day.

I just recently shared that memory with my mother. She was astonished. You see even though we didn't have much ... I never wanted for anything. That is if my mother knew about it. It was my decision not to tell her for whatever my reasons were.

Kids...geesh!


If children live with acceptance, they learn to find love in the world....

I've allowed an entire week to pass since I witnessed what I consider heartbreaking circumstances that no child should ever have to be burdened with.... and that's seven days too long.

Monday morning I will leave work and head to my old elementary school. I don't know the names of the two boys. I just know they don't have what they need to feel like a part of the whole ....

I want them to have that. I want those two sweet souls to be called to the office to pick up their school basketball uniforms and look like the other members of their team the next time they take the court.

I want those two future doctors, lawyers, teachers, coaches, fathers...productive members of our society to know...


Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility - Kate Douglas Wiggin