A REAL WOMAN

I had a discussion with a young lady about what a "real woman" is. She was endorsing her belief that a real woman was one that has children and takes care of them. I agreed with her in part, but according to her logic, an infertile woman could not be a real woman. I'm not sure if she had kids or not, but she definitely was not my idea of a real woman.

After surveying the women I know, I thought of one person that definitely fit the bill.....That person is my mother. She passed away in 1999. She was the rock of the family and usually the voice of reason. After her passing, guess who had to try to fill her shoes; That's right, yours truly. It was then that I realized the role of real women.

My parents separated when I was a small child. I have vague memories of my dad visiting us, but I don't ever remember him living in the house. I never wondered why he wasn't around. I just accepted the situation as normal....It was all I knew. When I was about 11 years old, the details of my parents separation started to be revealed.

My mom gave birth to four kids (that will be important later). Those of you who have read some of my earlier posts know that I have 13 sisters. Now you're starting to see why my parents were no longer together. My dad actually fathered a total of 17 children, by 9 different women!! Some were conceived before my parents met. Some were conceived after their separation and divorce. There were a few that are products of my dad's infidelity.

Now to get back to my original topic of what a real woman is. My mom eventually got to know all my dad's kids. If they came to visit us, she would feed them and make sure they had a place to sleep. On several occasions, I witnessed her sleeping on the couch so that the smaller kids could sleep together in her bed. She treated them just like she treated us. She showed them the same love she showed us. Even though she couldn't stand my dad, there was nothing she wouldn't do for his kids. She would always tell us. "I don't care how they got here. They're still your brothers and sisters".

I think back to her funeral and I see the effects that a real woman can have on the lives of others; Sitting on the front row with her four kids and other immediate family, were the rest of my dad's children! That spoke volumes about the kind of person my mother was. So what is my definition of a real woman? I think I just described her.

Yabba Dabba Damn! Celebrating The Stone Age or Still Living In It?

I'm all about the Google Doodle. There's something exciting and quirky about logging onto my computer and being surprised with a decorated Google logo. It serves as a great fact finding mission especially when I'm not familiar with what the Doodle is representative of and interested enough to investigate a bit further.

Today's Doodle was a no-brainer. Who doesn't remember the Flintstone's (well that depends on the age group). But you get the point. Fred, Wilma, Barney, Betty and the gang was a wonderful cartoon. I loved watching and would tune in today if I ever came across an episode during my channel surfing.

Still, I'm just a little miffed at the attention a cartoon garners as opposed to more important or monumental achievements.

Remember this:

August 18th was the 90th anniversary of women obtaining the right to vote or the ratification of the 19th Amendment, guaranteeing women the right to vote. So, it's kind of hard not to be slightly offended by fictional pre-historic cavemen and women getting a big shout out with their very own Google Doodle while the accomplishment of women no longer being viewed as second class citizens got a clipboard looking thingy with a pink check mark!

The World Cup, the moon landing, the fall of the Berlin Wall, even Popeye, the sailor man all were honored with official Google Doodles!

What's up with that?

Woe To The Sinful Ones

During my last rotation in the emergency room the front desk clerk called the nurses desk regarding an incident that was taking place in the waiting room. Our hospital contracts security guards, and I use that term as loosely as possible, to help ensure that things run smoothly.

Tensions from distressed parents, bereaved family members, folks who don't understand that the emergency room is not a first come first serve clinic, and others can run pretty high. That really goes without saying. If you're in the ER, your stress level is full throttle. Chances are your visit has been caused by an emergency that couldn't be handled at home.

One particular guard didn't get the memo that said: you are not Captain Planet, Huckleberry Hound, Barney Fife, Matt Dillon or Buford T. Pusser. He does a decent job of extinguishing volatile situations. Unfortunately, many of the situations are his creation.

On this occasion, the security guard had ticked off a couple who were waiting to see the doctor. While the couple waited they held hands, hugged and sat quietly. One of them laid his head against the other's chest. And in return, his mate kissed him gently on the forehead. The same thing I've done a million times to my sick child, husband or significant other.

The guard went ballistic. He approached the couple and told them that their behavior would not be tolerated and if anything like that happened again, they would be asked to leave.

They became visibly upset and an argument ensued. The charge nurse was summoned, calmed the situation, told the guard to chill and reported back to us with all the details which many employees found funny and disgusting. I found their behavior, not the couples, disgusting.

This incident would have never happened to me or any other straight person. This couple, two young men, were victims of the societal moral code of conduct. The same code of conduct that left 18-year-old Tyler Clementi so despondent he felt his only option was to end his life...which he did by jumping off the George Washington bridge. This Rutger freshmen's privacy was invaded by his roommate, who secretly placed a web cam in their dorm room, capturing Clementi engaging in sexual activity with another male and broadcast it on the internet.

These aren't isolated incidents. Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, 11, bequeathed his worldly possessions - his Pokemon cards - to his little brother before he picked up an extension cord, wrapped it around his neck and hanged himself last April. His mom, Sirdeaner Walker, said Carl was a victim of bullying and being called gay at school.

Wise up folks. Gay is not a choice. I repeat - Gay is not a choice. If it were, Tyler and Carl might possibly be alive today. 

I Don't Mean to Be Disrespectful...Oh, Yes You Do!

After having been married for nearly sixteen years, it's a given that most of my friends are married women. It's just the rules of the road. Birds of a feather do tend to flock together. Sure, I have a few single friends but my I can relate to what you're going through and I'm there for you no matter what girls are all married.

However, I no longer am.

But when I was I hated the tired pick up lines shady men would bombard you with on our infrequent girl's nights out. Is your husband married? Married...well are you happily married? How could your husband let you out of the house alone? Can we be good friends? Enough already degenerates! This ring symbolizes something. When I first countered your hormonal induced attack with I'm married...that should have clued your tired trifling self into the fact that I want no parts of you or what you're peddling.

Just the other day my still happily married girlfriend rang me up. We were catching up on life...the kids, school, work, getting together soon for some girl time...you know, the usual. In the middle of the conversation, she thought about something that had been troubling her.

As the story goes, her husband and their two boys have started regularly frequenting a barber shop in the area where they live. The atmosphere is crisp, clean, family and kid friendly and the guys working their magic with the clippers are first rate.

Often when her husband is unable to take the boys she picks up the barber shop detail.

I've always loved how family oriented she is. For her, it's all about the hubby, the boys and enjoying life as a unit. Don't get me wrong. She still makes time for herself but let's just say there's no place on earth she'd rather be than with the three most important men in her life.

Bless her heart and Jesus, please be a fence. This child has been strickened with an affliction that keeps her on the alert at all times.

She is beautiful. When I tell you my sister is a beautiful black woman...I mean just that. So, she's accustomed to the guys doing a double, sometimes triple take when she's in their vicinity. She never feeds into the unending barrage of compliments and often, caddy remarks. She realizes these unsettling displays of admiration, lust and tom foolery are just a no good means to an end for these overgrown boys in men's bodies. But the fact remains the same. She's gorgeous.

A couple of days ago she received a friend request on Facebook from the barber who cuts her husband's and sons' hair. She thought it was harmless enough as she is the only one in the family with a Facebook account. What a nice gesture, right?

Wrong!

After accepting the request, she received a message in her inbox that went something like this.

I don't mean to be disrespectful but you are a beautiful woman. I was wondering if we could be friends and get to know each other better and talk sometimes.

WTF! Isn't this the guy who's seen her countless times in the shop with her husband and boys? Isn't this the guy who's her husband's personal barber? Isn't this the guy that can tell (because anyone with any level of visual acuity knows) just how much she loves her husband?

She was in a state of disbelief. She was upset that someone she thought so highly of would come at her in such a tactless manner. And heaven forbid if her husband were to inadvertently see this leading and suggestive comment. Still, she didn't want to rock the boat. Knowing in her heart that not no...but hell no would be her answer, she just didn't have the words to express this to him.

And that's where I come in.

I logged into her account (with her permission) and told him for her. It went something like this:

Thanks for the compliment. Trying not to be disrespectful can often get lost in the idea that it represents. My husband and my boys are very pleased with the service your barber shop provides and I am too. We love the family atmosphere we feel every time we've been there. I would hope that you already consider all of us friends.

She was satisfied with that so, I pressed the send button.

Read it however you will my tired trifling brother. But in a word...no in two words, the translation is F you!

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

Frightening Deja Vu

Post Racial? - The Big Screen Didn't Get The Memo

The movie industry really has me second guessing this post racial era we've been living in since the last presidential election. Hollywood. The industry is viewed by many as the most progressively liberal set of folks (producers, directors, movie stars, etc.) you ever want to meet. It's funny how the one president the right wing embodies as all that was good about being a Conservative was one of these guys himself.

What do Robert DeNiro, Ron Perlman, Tyne Daly, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Justin Chambers, George Lucas, Halle Berry, Sidney Poitier, James Earl Jones, and Alfre Woodard all have in common? All these Hollywood heavy hitters have husbands/wives/significant others to someone of a different race than their own.

I'll use the black white dichotomy for this post. Although, the same applies regarding other races and ethnic groups.

You see the thing is out of every actor or actress I mentioned with the exception of Halle Berry none of these stars have been in a role that would have their love interest, mate or spouse someone of another race.

Sure Sidney Poitier ruffled a few feathers in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. It was too much for many people to take in. Taboo. Unthinkable. And I guess that still applies today.

I certainly consider myself a movie buff. So, if my knowledge of movies is too limited and I've overlooked a blockbuster that depicted an interracial relationship worthy of mention please let me know. I hardly think Billy Bob banging Halle or Denzel with his part time lover in Training Day (oh, how I hated that movie) make the grade.

I'm not asking to be subjected to another typical racially charged plot. The interracial couple and all the challenges they face in a society that's, for the most part, completely unaccepting of their relationship and spend the next 120 minutes of the movie making their lives miserable. That's just more of the same. And with all due respect, we're past all that stuff anyway. This is post racial America!

It's as if Hollywood frowns on this reality as much as some of us. Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins could never come home to a woman of color and sit around the dinner table with their biracial children, get a good night's sleep and wake the next morning to begin a family vacation that ends in disaster...or a wholesome made for TV movie about family life in the Midwest...or be the parents of the next guy who battles the Decepticons along with the Transformers.

Gabrielle Union, Lynn Whitfield, Thandie Newton, and Cicely Tyson would never be viewed as authentic as they kissed their white mate good bye as he went off to foil some terrorist plot, pull off a big jewelry heist, coach a bunch of misfits into the winniest team in high school football history or save the planet from aliens!

I understand that movies have to be seen and gross mega bucks to be considered blockbusters or worthy of the little gold statue by the Academy. Is that the problem. Are the execs fearful that releasing these types of movies might land them in the soup line?

Life isn't cookie cutter. Love isn't monochromatic nor are those we choose to love. Black people love white people and brown people love yellow people and yellow people love red people.

Does the entertainment industry owe it to us to be true to life. Maybe even help make the idea of interracial relationships less foreign by changing the humdrum family dynamics found in just about every movie I've ever seen. Or am I being unrealistic?

Short but Profound

I live on a cul-de-sac. There are about 12 or 13 homes on the street. I've met everyone personally except the guy right next door (on my left). He and the woman I assume is his wife are rarely ever outside. It was weeks before I actually saw anyone over there. There is only one other black family on the street and they live two houses to my right.

The guy on my left raises his hand in sort of a wave whenever I leave the house. It's like the hand goes up automatically when he hears my garage door opening. He looks in the opposite direction and plasters this extremely stoic or pensive (can't decide which) look on his face. Maybe it's neither.  And I wave back trying to find his face - his eyes.

What does that body language say? Is he being neighborly for waving or an asshole for not looking or a neighborly asshole for doing both? Or does it even matter?

CROWD CONTROL

Almost every state in this country has dealt with or is dealing with the problem of prison overcrowding. Federal and state funds are being used to build new facilities to house the ever growing number of prisoners. Because of the overcrowding issue, violent and nonviolent offenders often share the same quarters. Sometimes nonviolent offenders are released early in order to free up room for the violent ones. They are then free to go out and commit more crimes, because……well, there’s no room to lock them up!

In many states, the cost to house an inmate for a year exceeds the average income for the state. I am well aware that they have to be provided health care and the necessities of life, but it seems unfair that they have access to what millions of hard working, law abiding Americans are fighting so hard for.

I have come up with a sure-fire plan to alleviate jail overcrowding. This plan will probably cause a lot of controversy and be the subject of much personal and political debate. If carried out properly, it would greatly reduce the numbers of violent felons in the prison system, specifically murderers.

Pay attention lawmakers…..This is about to get good! The first part of my plan involves the convicted murderer, a member of the clergy and a final meal. Next, the inmate will be escorted down a long hallway. At the end of that hallway is a room with windows all around. Inside the room is equipment that is reminiscent of a hospital room. The inmate is then taken into the room, where he is then strapped to a bed. An iv is inserted into his arm and a mixture of drugs starts a slow drip into his veins. Once the poison runs its course, a medic is called in to pronounce the inmate dead.

You know what…..This just may work!

Of course we already have the death penalty in place. If administered in a just and fair manner, it would significantly reduce the number of inmates, because there would be no convicted murderers in lock up. Once they are found guilty there is no reason for them to return to their cell and take up more space and taxpayer money. So what if capital punishment is an archaic form of justice; it is an effective form of justice.

Marriage Is Not A Civil Right? You're Not Black!

civil rights made this photo-op possible

Listen up LGBT community stop whining and protesting about your civil rights being infringed upon or even violated simply because the same sex marriage debate continues to rage like rainbow wild fire! According to Ann, you have to be black to have any civil rights in the first place. So, there!

I am speechless. Read the rest here

The 2nd American Revolution?

It's official...(if one is to believe a recent poll). The Tea Party is now more powerful than the president. The leadership has changed for this second defiant stand against government, the very government this country fought for in the first place. Be careful what you wish for!

Spearheading this campaign are fine patriots like Palin, Beck, ol' Newt, Limbaugh, and a host of other real Americans. The last revolution established our democracy. The purse straps of British rule were severed.

Less than 100 years later we were at war with each other. The never ending disenchantment and dissatisfaction with our democracy. The one form of government we've attempted to shove down the throats of every third world country who's suckled our breast while the powers that be perfect the art of nation building hasn't served us well at all.

The irony of it all is the people still aren't being represented. The GOP is battling the Democratic Party. The Tea Party is battling the Democratic Party and those who aren't dancing to their music in the Republican Party. It's not about any of us. It's about them. Or maybe it's more about him. Don't tax the wealthy heavier. Don't give struggling Americans affordable health care. Don't repeal DADT. Don't let the Bush tax cuts expire. Wow...amazing.

The original movement was a bit more inclusive than the modern day revolution. Slaves were offered freedom (ha!) if they fought with the colonists or freedom and a nice piece of land in Canada if they fought for the king. Native Americans were asked, for the most part to remain neutral. Some did. Many didn't.

But there is something to be said about making everyone feel like their role is important....like they count. I guess that's what a recent Republican mayoral candidate was thinking when he offered chicken wings and limo rides to the polls to black voters in the community.

Just one question? Anyone know where I can get tickets for a trip via the underground railroad? I'm heading to Canada! On the other hand, a couple of airline tickets might be a more efficient means of transportation.

I'm On To You!

swiped from Google, of course!

I usually say it in jest but deep down inside I'm pretty certain that Google will eventually take over the universe.

Have you ever stopped to marvel at the sheer power of this magnificent search engine that's an infinite source of knowledge (or at least how to obtain the knowledge you seek), an interactive map of the world, a noun, a verb...and it's only 12 years old.

In 1998, the act, art, practice of Googling didn't even exist!

No need for encyclopedias, reference books, library visits toiling for weeks to achieve an A+ term paper...it's all available to you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Indeed, Happy Birthday, oh great one!

What Would Jesus Do? I Fear You Really Don't Want To Know

Good Sunday morning to you all. I've spent the last two years (nearly three) surviving in the real world and staking my claim in this one. A world of bloggers, thinkers, crack pots, philosophers, do-gooders, happy people, cynics, skeptics and critics. We are all uniquely flawed individuals who feel we know what's right, who's right and spend countless hours worshipping the keyboard gods to disseminate our message.

I have found and come to admire, love and befriend many many people I would have never had the pleasure of knowing had it not been for this wonderful creation known as the internet. For everything that's wickedly horrible about it there's an equal and opposite degree of goodness, knowledge and assurance that all is never lost.

Today's post comes to you from Buelahman's Revolt. I would be so honored if you would take the time to read it. Culture Crisis or Blindly Following A Meme Crisis?

Bye Bye Eddie Long!

Okay the (*cringe) Bishop Eddie Long fiasco is the hot topic in the blogosphere. I've seen several people comment about not wanting to comment. Like if they say what they really think, there's certain to be a lightning bolt in the heaven's waiting to singe the hell out of 'em for putting their mouth on one of God's chosen...hmmph!

Rest assured, if Long wasn't struck by lightning while he spoke so vehemently against homosexuality while allegedly engaging in the same, you are safe!

I'm like Cadillac Kim...the Word does say "touch not the anointed" - but it doesn't say a damn thing about Eddie Long..excuse me, I mean Dick Tracey Long (which is the name he used when checking in at some of the hotels in the many tropical paradises he treated his boyz to men to!

There are plenty of people out there who love the Lord, live accordingly and don't go to church. I don't think the scandals that occur in God's house (which dwells in me not four man made walls) are a deterrent to anyone going or not going. And the idea that church is full of gay men is not a point I care to entertain either.

Is being gay (viewed by some as a sin) an automatic pink slip from attending church? For those who view homosexuality as a sin, you might want to bar the door for adulterers, fornicators, murderers, whores and the uncircumcised!

I don't think gay men flock to the church. I think gay men, women, teenagers seek the Lord just like straight people do. He's God to us all not just to those who we feel are acting according to what our moral compass says is pointing in the right direction.

In my mind's eye Eddie is already guilty...the bathroom crusty ass pics, the trips, the fact that he's supposed to step down after Sunday. He did it. And if he didn't - he did something!

I just feel for those who put their faith in him...gave him their hard earned money, their rolex watches and other jewelry (yep, heard that kind of stuff was going in the collection plates too).

If there is anything to be learned from this it's "PUT YOUR FAITH IN NO MAN"!!!

His bald headed, wig wearing ass ought to be made to give every dime of it back. Stepping down is too easy.

Blinging for the Kingdom...

The mega church movement in the United States has brought to light the media’s newest “villain”…….The millionaire pastor! A mega church is defined as one that has at least 2000 members in attendance on a weekly basis. With these increasing numbers come increasing salaries.

Much has been said lately about the financial well being of the pastors as compared to the financial state of the average member. The CEO-sized salaries have been scrutinized as much as the message of the Gospel itself. Some of these pastors make several million dollars per year, drive exotic cars and live in multi-million dollar mansions.

WOW!!!!

A preacher living like a baller?!

That is too much money to get paid for carrying out your calling!

Or is it?

Who or what determines the limits of financial compensation a pastor should receive?

There are churches with less than a hundred members that can only afford to pay their pastors a few hundred dollars per week. Slightly larger churches, such as the one I attend, typically pay pastors enough so they won’t have to be bi-vocational. For these men, preaching is their job…..not a hobby….and they are compensated accordingly.

The subject of pastoral compensation is as touchy as the subjects of race and politics. A lot of people want pastors to take a vow of poverty. This is fine if you want your pastor to die of starvation! Still others suffer from the delusion that they should all be rich (and they will erroneously quote scripture to substantiate this claim).

If a congregation has no problem paying their pastor a million dollar salary, so be it. If a pastor wants to buy expensive cars or houses with his money, that’s his prerogative. Most of us tend to buy the best house or car we can buy based on our income…..Why should they be any different?

Growing Up With Harry

Back in 1998 my oldest son was a 7-year-old 2nd grader with glasses far too big for his little face and smaller in stature than most of the children his age . The fact that he should have still been in the first grade only made the size thing that much more noticeable.

He was the cutest little thing. My sweet precious nerd. He loved Power Rangers, Digimon, Pokemon and the Rug Rats. He inherited my love for reading, and spent quite a bit of time learning and discovering in the world of Clifford the Big Red Dog...Goosebumps and anything remotely associated with dinosaurs. He could name all the raptors, 'saurus' and rex's on sight. Then Harry came along.

One day I brought home J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone. I knew the book was a bit advanced for him. So, I decided to dedicate a couple of hours each day to reading it to him. Or so I thought.

We started reading the book and before we knew it a couple of hours would turn into three to four hour reading sessions. He loved it...and so did I.

My reading corner survived through maybe the first three installments (or maybe it was just two) of the Harry Potter series. You know what they say about all good things coming to an end.

During these 3 to 4 hour reading sessions there was nobody else in the world but Jamie and me. Bills, bullies, workplace drama and playground hijinx took a backseat as we explored and shared Harry's world.

I caught him reading without me one day. For a while I was kind of miffed at him. I mean...how could he read our favorite book without me.  That was our special time. Reading them alone wasn't going to be the same for me. I never picked up another one. He, on the other hand, devoured them as soon as he could get his hands on one. Every Christmas or birthday or what-do-you-want-for-making-straight-A's that passed included the latest available installment in the Potter series.

Once the books were transformed into the blockbuster films that many of us have enjoyed it was like meeting old friends.

I was trolling around the net tonight and saw where the second to last Potter installment Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows' is scheduled to hit theaters in November.

...not sure what will be going on two months from now but I can guarantee my little nerdy first born who's morphed into a man before my eyes will be in line to catch it on the big screen. He grew up with Harry.

...and so did I.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Where Was She When I Was Growing Up?

Isn't she fly? Found her and many others on a neat Tumblr blog called what else A Blog Dedicated To Dolls

I can remember having a knock down drag out conniption fit when my mother suggested I even consider accepting a black baby doll as a gift. In a family full of black mothers and black babies, the idea of a black baby doll of my very own was foreign to me.

Later in life I came to realize that it was a subtle but repetitive technique of instilling a certain perception of beauty into the minds of the very young that has to be almost shaken out of some of us as we grow older that was the cause of my aversion to black dolls.

There were no black children in any of the workbooks and textbooks used to teach me the fundamentals in school. There were no black children on the films that we watched via that old antiquated projector. There were no black children in the fairy tales we longed to be read every night before we went to bed.

So, why in the hell would I want something that really didn't exist? Or was so repulsive, you could only find a few of them thrown on the bottom of the store's toy shelf in a battered looking dusty box!

It's funny how something that simple can be so profound.

Lately at work this one black male coworker has been doing an exemplary job of getting on my last damn nerve. He's mid 40's (going on 16) and makes my brown skin crawl.

He's the type that you can't really warm up to because you never know what may or may not come out of his mouth. Keeping my distance is a fail-proof way of not catching a charge!

For the past several weeks, I've been his topic of choice. "You're fine for an old woman". "I love your nappy hair." "Why don't you straighten your hair? Don't you get tired of it being nappy?" No but I'm becoming quite fed up with the fact that you're still breathing!

Now you must know me to realize what this nobody says about or to me means nothing. I just thought it was at least worthy of a post here in cyberspace.

He's looking at beauty and what beauty should be the way I did as a child...through the eyes of society and what it has taught him about beauty. Then again maybe he just doesn't like nappy hair...hmmph.

But it does make me ask - can nappy not be beautiful....would straightening my hair change how people look at me....am I or any other woman over the age of 40 incapable of being fine?

What can we as a society do to make black baby dolls appealing especially to black babies?

Politics as Usual: GOP Blocks Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell

A little over a week ago a judge ruled that the archaic and insulting Don't Ask Don't Tell, the U.S. military ban on gay servicemen and women, was unconstitutional. Well, so much for coming out of the dark ages into the light.

The GOP blocked the repeal on yesterday. Democrats fell four votes shy of the 60 votes needed to break a GOP filibuster — which included Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts — that prevented consideration of the overall bill.

Doing the right thing seems to be hampered by political games that remind me more of King of the Hill than educated leaders representing the people who voted them into office.

Scott Brown, prime example:

Brown said his vote against considering the bill was not necessarily an endorsement of keeping the “don’t ask’’ policy, but a protest against Democratic political maneuvering to limit debate while adding unrelated amendments.

So, you're not endorsing keeping the policy. Your vote against it was a protest against the Democratic Party.

God, when does the bickering take a back seat to the voice of the American populace.

It seems to me that there are a bunch of men and women in our nation's capitol that should have never made it there in the first place. John McCain and the likes that have been in the Senate since Methuselah was in pull-ups have their own agenda.

It's not about us. It's about them! But what do I know I'm grouped in with the rest of the female voting population, who feel a huge sense of hopelessness while our male counterparts are downright angry which could drive more of them to the polls in upcoming elections and find more of us at home weeping over a bowl of gruel.

What I'm Reading

Last night (well, actually Monday night) I managed to get off work early enough to make my weekly Wal Mart run while the town slept. It was about 2am and the store was empty with the exception of the lone cashier, the friendly greeter and a plethora of stockers. I didn't intend to purchase anything to read since I'm currently reading an online version of a novel a dear friend sent me. But there was something about this book that spoke to me. I don't know if was the image on the cover, the color of the background or the first two sentences  Most days I wish I was a British pound coin instead of an African girl. Everyone would be pleased to see me coming.

Looking forward to jumping into this reading project with both feet. There's a book review here. I haven't read it to avoid any potential spoilers.

Anyone read this or any of the author's works? If so, what did you think about it and please don't give it away....

It Just Got Bigger Than She Expected

If that's supposed to elicit sympathy from me, I'm sorry but I'm not buying it. Words used by Vancouver police to describe the Bethany Storro fiasco.

You do remember the Washington state woman who was victimized by an athletic, attractive, unidentified black woman who threw a cup of acid in Storro's face in public, in broad daylight shortly after Storro purchased a pair of shades. But alas, all that was a horrible fairy tale conjured up by Storro to help her cause.

According to Bethany, her self inflicted wounds were a futile attempt at suicide or a sick method of obtaining a new face.

"Then, when I realized it wasn't killing me, I thought maybe this was the answer to all my problems. To have a completely different face," she said in court papers quoted by The Columbian.

Clark County Deputy Prosecutor Tony Golik on Monday filed three felony theft charges against her. The charges relate to more than $28,000 donated to benefit Storro after she was burned. Storro's parents have said all money raised for her will be returned.

I'm torn between feeling a certain degree of sympathy for this obviously sick woman or being completely pissed that she attempted to pin this heinous act on a (black) woman or anyone for that matter. Although having enough forethought to cast the blame on a minority group, already marginalized and profiled as criminal miscreants a good percentage of the time any way, makes the sting a bit more severe.

Was there actually a method to her madness? Deciding to paint a black woman as the villain was a sure fire guarantee to add a bit more fuel to the flames of outrage people everywhere felt when they heard of this poor woman's brutal assault which brings up another concern.

Why should it matter what color a perp is? I guess that's kind of rhetorical in our new post-racial America...

I Was For Witchcraft Before I Was Against It - Duh!

It's kind of funny to me how these holier than thou ultra conservative Christian racists Tea Baggers rush to embrace anything or anyone that fits their idea of what people representing the real America should be. Too bad most members of the party and it's supporters seem to be suffering from a severe case of near-sightedness.

Their most recent belle of the ball, Christine O'Donnell, is now explaining comments she made a good while back about dabbling in witchcraft. She admits to spending time studying the dark side but emphatically denies every joining a coven. (*blank stare).

Congrats Baggers on adding another nut to your party's mix!

A Cougar Cub in Waiting - Maybe?

I'm not exactly sure when it happened but somewhere between puberty and turning 40 last year, I'm supposedly this experienced woman of the world when it comes to dating and relationships. If I choose to date men older than me, that's cool, even viewed by some as the norm. On the other hand, if I decide to kick it with someone younger than me, I'm this ferocious cougar, laying in wait to tame her boy toy into whatever I want him to be.

Yeah, me, a cougar - with a ravenous sexual appetite. I poked fun at an article a couple of months back that attempted to explain why a cougar's libido is in constant overdrive.

I don't buy into most of those scientific studies. We're far too complex especially in the game of love and sex to be clumped into any specific category or ideal. I like what I like and that's all that matters to me.

The thing about me is I've always...always been attracted to older men. As a teenager, I can remember always being drawn to guys that were at least 2 to 3 years older than me. I wound up marrying a man that was 10 years older than me. And since our separation and subsequent divorce, I'm currently involved with a man that's old enough to be my father. My, my - I feel the heat rising in my cheeks when I think about that one.

Lately I've been approached by a couple of guys that are the total opposite of my type - older. Guys in their early to mid 30s have expressed either verbally or in those timid boyish displays of I'm feeling you that annoy the hell out of me that they're interested.

Maybe I should just say to myself "you like who you like" and move on. My girlfriends tease me about my bleak future, trolling the nursing homes in 10 or 20 years in search of Mr. Right! One particular girlfriend of mine who's mid 50s thinks I've completely lost my mind.

When I tell her I've always been attracted to older men her response is "yeah, that's cute when you're 20 and they're 30 or you're 40 and they're 50. But when you're 50 and they're 60 or 70 that ain't so cute anymore!"

People love to bash men who date younger women claiming they're trying to stay young. But what about the women who love to love them. Am I trying to get old before my time? Am I searching for a father figure considering the fact that I never had one. Or am I just a cougar cub in waiting who hasn't happened upon the right boy toy yet?

BE ENCOURAGED

I’m not posting this to solicit comments or to get a reaction. When I feel inspired to write something, I am compelled to do so. Too many times, others miss out on what they need to hear simply because we ignore that inner voice that guides us.

I wrote this poem a few years ago after the death of a good friend. I framed it and gave it to her mother as a symbol of comfort and support. Many people have been blessed by these words, including myself.

This is not the thought provoking, politically charged, socially relevant type post you are accustomed too, but I really feel that someone needs to be encouraged. Feel free to share with others.

(Untitled)

THE GREATER THE HURT, THE GREATER THE HEALING

THE GREATER THE FEAR, THE GREATER HIS PEACE;

IN TIMES OF SORROW, HOW GREAT IS HIS COMFORT

HOW GREAT IS HIS MERCY WHEN TROUBLES INCREASE.

THE GREATER THE NEED, THE GREATER THE BLESSING

THE GREATER THE DOUBT, THE MORE FAITH HE GIVES;

WHEN WE FEEL ALL ALONE, HOW GREAT IS HIS PRESENCE

HOW GREAT IS HIS LOVE WHEN WE KNOW THAT HE LIVES.

THE GREATER THE VOID, THE GREATER THE FILLING

THE GREATER THE TEST, THE MORE GRACE HE BESTOWS;

YOU’RE IN HIS HANDS; HOW GREAT IS OUR SAVIOR!!

HOW GREAT IS THE ONE WHO WILL CARRY YOUR LOAD.

GREAT IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS ALL YOUR SORROWS

GREAT IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS ALL YOUR FEARS

GREAT IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT YOU

THE GREAT GOD OF HEAVEN WILL DRY ALL YOUR TEARS

Saturday Night Open Thread: What Will Yours Be?

The average human lifespan is about 77.5 years. This average is based on all sorts of factors. We know heredity, life style, geographic location and even gender affect the final outcome. That's about 30,000 days, give or take.

Depending on what stage of life you're currently in affects how you view life and the brevity of it. Are you content? Have you accomplished what you planned to accomplish all those years ago when you were told by someone that the world was your oyster and there were endless possibilities waiting for you...if you got a good education, worked hard, kept your nose clean and believed?  Would you do anything differently if given an opportunity to start over?

What do you want your legacy to be?

The Woman From Karbala

Last night was the beginning of a typical weekend rotation in the emergency room. Typical being victims of motor vehicle accidents, assaults, psychiatric evaluations, feverish children, and nine yards of excrement that have no more business seeking emergency care than Clark Kent would in a universe without Kryptonite.

As I strolled to and fro giving injections, initiating IVs, catheterizing infants, bestowing words of wisdom on receptive (some not so much) ears of the young, I encountered a woman dressed from the crown of her head to the floor in all black. She was an elderly woman, though not what I would classify as old. In the not so distant past, I would have called her attire a robe and scarf. But those days of unintentional ignorance regarding customs of those unlike me are over. I was fully aware that this woman was wearing a black hijab and black full length chador.

I noticed a rather primitive looking tattoo on her right inner wrist. Several dots and a few other shapes or maybe they were even letters. That sparked my interest in finding out more about this woman and her son, who was with her.

From what I can gather about tattoos thanks to googlizing the information is that they symbolize one or two things. They can be signs of a person's tribal roots or identifiers in death if the body is desecrated in a way that would make normal means of identification impossible.

The old woman was pleasant and so was her son. As I gave them instructions concerning her care, he relayed the information to her in a language I had never heard or certainly hadn't paid much attention to.

After he finished talking to her, I asked him what language was he speaking. He said Arabic. It was rich, powerful and sounded so authoritative and I told him so. He joked and said "I did it on purpose to sound important". We both laughed.

Now for the tough part.

Next question - "Where is your family from?" He looked surprised, maybe even uneasy. His first response was "We are from the Middle East". I realized from his verbal and nonverbal expressions exactly what was going on.

But I pressed further.

"Really? What country in the Middle East". He quickly answered...rushing his words, "We are from Iraq - Karbala".

We talked more about the language, Iraq and his mom's care. Before I left the room I asked if either of them had any questions and with no being their answer, I wished her a speedy recovery and bid them good night.

Having been made aware of what I said through her son's translation she thanked me and issued a request to God asking him to bless me. I smiled and returned the favor.

After they left, my mind started racing a mile a minute. How did a family from Karbala, Iraq wind up in Mississippi? What horrors had she witnessed before coming to this country? How many of their family members have suffered under the hands of Saddam Hussein, the might of the many armies that have invaded their land in the hopes of liberating it's people as they systematically and routinely killed almost as many innocent civilians as Hussein did (instead of crimes against humanity...it's viewed as collateral damage)?

Was her son hesitant to reveal his native land as a result of the Islamophobia that's gripping our country like a poisonous vise?

Our encounter gave me such an overwhelming sense of sadness.

A country, founded by immigrants from all over the world, whose original motto was E Pluribus Unum - Out of Many, One - no longer cares about or wants your tired, your poor,your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

The lamp that once was the guiding light beside the golden door is on the verge of being extinguished by divisiveness, bigotry, fear, hatred and condemnation.

1 in 7? How Is That Possible?

photos courtesy of the Queen city of the Delta

I'm not an economist. I do well to make sure all the bills are paid, the checking account stays out of the red (which isn't always the case), and a little filler gets added to the old nest egg every now and then.

I have a tendency to spend excessively, save conservatively, and give freely. Still, the news of the the poverty level in this country climbing to an estimated 14.3% was a bit surprising. I guess it really should go without saying. We've lost countless jobs steadily over the last few years.

43.6 million people living in poverty is the largest number of poor people in the United States in the 51 years that records have been kept, and the near 15% estimate is the highest since 1994. 1 in 7 Americans are living below the poverty level in the wealthiest country in the world.

Poverty is nothing new to me. I'm the product of a single mother, who used government assistance when necessary to help support and feed yours truly. She worked until she retired a few years ago. But the amount she made wasn't always enough to support herself and a child.

There were times when she earned enough and didn't need the assistance. I can remember stories she shared with me later about how hateful and condescending some of her case workers would be, attempting to treat her like a second class citizen because she had to apply for food stamps and welfare. But did you catch the word "attempting". Any of them who tried it, only did it once.

My mother didn't receive her GED until I was a freshman in high school. I attended the ceremony and have never been more proud of her in my life. She is one of the smartest women I know.

She dropped out of high school during her senior year when she became pregnant with my sister. She was a straight A student, but at least 2 years behind in her studies because when work in the field was required, school took a back seat. When snow and ice covered the ground and the only pair of shoes you had had far too many holes to jeopardize your health and life...school took a back seat.

Poverty isn't new to the town I was born, raised and still reside in either. We understand the concept and condition very well. By last count, 29.6% of Greenville's population lives below the poverty level with a 19.9% estimate for the entire state.

Now like I said in the beginning I'm not an economist. I'm not certain how to fix this aside from getting people back to work. But the idea of calling for hundreds of billions of dollars in tax cuts for the top two percent of earners while one-quarter of our children are poor is morally and economically wrong.

The idea that the Tea Party and Republican Party  fervently desire to see the president, his administration and the Democratic Party fail at the cost of the people they've been elected to represent is not only morally and economically wrong. It's soul-less and heartless.

Businesses closing in the private sector, lost wages due to unemployment, outsourcing of jobs that citizens in this country could and would perform readily and willingly and an astronomical amount of defense spending have played a role in this mess.

And some have the nerve to bitch about free health care, extending unemployment benefits, and the child tax credit and/or earned income tax credit which keeps poverty at arm's length for millions of Americans!

I had one red blooded, I want my country back, God fearing American tell me that the bible says if you don't work you don't eat. I looked for that scripture and found it "For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." - 2 Thessalonians 3:10

He was partly right. But will not and can not are birds of different feathers. Perhaps he was absent from Sunday School when they covered the one that said "For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land." - Deuteronomy 15:11

Always kind of funny how you can find whatever scripture suits your agenda and use it as a weapon of malice or an olive branch of peace and good will.....


**Side Note**

Had no idea this was going on today. Cool!!

'TIS THE SEASON...........

I was just looking at a calendar and I noticed that my least favorite time of year is quickly approaching. That’s right…..I’m talking about Christmas! It sickens me to see what this day has become.

First of all, I can’t stand this “spontaneous eruption of joy” that happens every year about this time. Where is the joy the rest of the year? Why is it gone as soon as the sights and sounds of the season are gone? If the joy was real, it would last at least a good portion of the year!

It amazes me as well that people seem to throw common sense out the window, when it comes to spending. Consumers get so deep in debt, that they spend the bulk of the following year catching up….if they catch up at all. Millions are spent on gifts that are bought in hopes that the recipient will reciprocate. If you are expecting something in return, why not just buy what you want?

Charities benefit greatly from the generosity that comes from the “loosening of the purse strings” that occurs during this time. Most charities depend on the Christmas season for up to 60% of their yearly contributions. I guess giving to charities takes away some of the guilt of the excess spending.

A lot of people have asked me if I am an Atheist because I don’t celebrate Christmas. Nothing can be farther from the truth. The modern day Christmas observances have nothing to do with Christianity. I can (and I do) celebrate the birth of Jesus without all the glitz and glitter.

People get stressed out trying to please everyone on their gift list. The stress of the holiday is self imposed. It is brought on by an attempt to conform to the societal ideal of what Christmas should be. Why not buy gifts for those that are in need?! That will take the pressure off you and will bring blessings to others.

It’s amazing that I have not as much as decorated in at least 13 years. Maybe I will start a push to get back to a more stress free, traditional Christmas celebration.

It's Hot to NOT Keep It Real

Guest Post by Daree Allen

Are you ready for more of the "real" that is *not* in reality TV this fall season?

We all know that Keyshia Cole, Monica, LisaRaye, Pepa, Trey Songz, Tiny & Toya, Brandy & Ray J, the Kardashians, and Fantasia, just to name a few, have launched reality shows to build publicity for their forthcoming projects (or just to get back on the map). They're not alone, this fall season is no different, as they are joined by brothers Cedric 'K-Ci' Hailey and Joel 'Jojo' Hailey (of Jodeci fame), Toni Braxton, Faith, and Alana 'La La' Vasquez, (whew, I may have missed a few but you get the point). Many of these shows air on VH-1.

Music TV Channels That Don't Play Music

VH-1 had different standards for their programming when I was a kid than we've seen in the past decade or so. While MTV played a lot of rock videos (and much later, R&B and hip hop, thanks to Michael Jackson's Billie Jean video), VH-1 (Video Hits 1) stuck to the tame stuff. Veejays like the late Frankie Crocker and Rosie O'Donnell (with the same big voice but much bigger hair) talked with us conversationally, but calmly.

Then came the dawn of reality TV. MTV's Real World series began in 1990. CBS started Survivor in 1992.

Later, E! and VH-1, among others, started rolling out the 'countdown'-style shows, such as the "Top 20 Most Shocking Moments in TV" or whatever. VH-1's countdowns were not necessarily about music. And then alas, VH-1 started in on cranking out one reality show after another, mostly with (glory-past) music stars.

Going Without It

How long could you live without your TV?

For the longest time, my biggest TV was just a decorative staging element in my living room (since I put my house up for sale). My second-largest TV has been in the garage for about 2 years, which was around the time I realized that I didn't watch enough TV to warrant having it in my bedroom, too. If it weren't for social media, friends' chatter, and magazines, I wouldn't know what was going on in the entertainment world. As a matter of fact, I cancelled my satellite service in May and returned my DVR until I relocated in August. (The few shows I watched this summer were available online so I saved some dough.)

Do I ever watch reality shows? If you asked me prior to 2010, I'd tell you that I didn't follow them for the most part. But this year, I let curiosity (and my DVR capability) get the best of me. I couldn't tell you when these reality shows came on, but now I know why people call some of them their “guilty pleasures.” Full disclosure: Among my shameful viewing habits are the antics of the K-Dash sisters, Patti Stanger's tough-love approach on The Millionaire Matchmaker, Celebrity Apprentice, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Shear Genius. However, I'll never abandon my favorite time-redeeming activities of writing and speaking.

Do We Really Have Nothing Better To Do?

We know there's an element of fakeness to reality TV, but we brush it off as entertainment, or (wannabe/has-been) celebs acting badly, just doing what they do. But what is it with us, the viewing audience, as to why we enjoy watching the "drama" of reality TV, even when we don't personally condone the values portrayed by many of the “characters”? How do we explain and protect our young people from some of the harmful messages they're getting from it? I've talked before about how harmful media images hurt our young people who often look to them as, role models--especially teenage girls.

TV is often used for escapism, which isn't necessarily wrong in itself, but it can also be a huge time-waster, depending on what we're watching and how long we stay in front of the tube. Ratings are king--if we don't watch it, they won't air it. But evidently, keeping it real is not hot when it comes to TV viewers.



Do you watch “reality TV?” Do you think it contributes to some of the ills of our youth in society today, or should it just be considered entertainment or ignored altogether?

Attack of The "Bimbo Journalist!" - Well I'll Just Be Damned

Mark Kriegel has written a loathesome article over at FoxSports titled Can Hottest Sports Reporter Have It Both Ways? The article details Ines Sainz, a sports reporter for Azteca TV, who recently was a victim of inappropriate behavior/sexual harassment type conduct by a coach and team members of the New York Jets organization.

To ask if she can have it both ways because she has given herself the title of hottest sports reporter in Mexico and to insinuate that her wardrobe was, in essence, her way of asking for it is sexist, a blatant double standard and reckless.

I've scoured the internet and checked out just about every photo I can find of Sainz, including bikini photo shoot pics, magazine covers and pics of her at work on the sideline. It is obvious that Sainz likes her attire a bit snug and she has the figure to pull it off. However, in no way does this or perhaps I should say should this be a green light for inappropriate behavior from men behaving like Neanderthals in sports.

Has Sainz not conducted herself as a professional? Does the fit of her attire make her any less credible in her field? Did she waltz into the locker room and start fondling the players on the team, whom I'm sure were semi-nude, nude or overflowing with so much testosterone that their gonads were turning a dusky blue!

The finger pointing at rape victims for wearing certain clothes. The double standard regarding emphasis placed on a woman's appearance rather than the accomplishments and merit she brings to the table in our society needs to stop. Remembering the Palin is pretty and Hillary is a beast comments during the 2008 presidential campaign.

Objectification of women is so common we often forget just who the victim is. Far more women ignore cat calls and snarky remarks because of the backlash they're certain to receive from the likes of Kriegel and others.

No doubt comments of a sexual nature were made. No doubt Sainz felt uncomfortable. The Jets have been all over this. Apologizing and chastising the team members involved. Yet, Sainz and others are categorized by Kriegel as Bimbo Journalists!

If she looked more like Attila the Hun with a figure like Quasimodo, wearing a black cloak, her claim would have been more substantive, I guess. And that's a real problem for me!

The prick in this interview is exactly what I'm talking about! Some of his questions - "Could your jeans get any tighter?!"! "Are you just doing this for attention?" "Have you ever posed nude?" WTF!! She should have given him an open hand pimp slap!!


Can you dress to sexy for a job? And who gets to define what sexy is or isn't?

"I do"......for now, anyway.

“…. to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

Wow!! Such powerful words….They bring tears to the eyes of the bride and sweat to the brow of the groom! They represent the ultimate expression of love.

And then things changed!!!

Wedding vows now seem to live in infamy with the likes of “the check is in the mail”, “just one more drink” and “we can just cuddle”. They have pretty much become empty words that are used as fillers in the appropriate settings.

With the divorce rate being at an all time high, and increasing numbers of men and women getting involved in extra-marital affairs, one has to wonder if traditional vows need to be done away with. Maybe they should be replaced with something that better reflects the state of marriages in this country….Perhaps something like, “to have and to hold, until he/she pisses me off!”

I’m sure most couples enter into a marriage with the best of intentions. But somewhere along the way the desire to make good on the vows vanishes. It becomes easier to just walk away than stay and try to make it work. Oh, by the way, I am referring to marriages where there is something left to salvage!

Who am I to try to talk about divorce? I am a 41 year old man who has been married for 20 years….which would make me more of an authority on marriage than divorce. I do know that if vows are said, with no intention of fulfilling them, they will not be kept. Vows are promises, not just ritualistic banter. If you don’t think you can keep your vows, do your mate a favor…..don’t even walk down the aisle with them. That will most certainly control the divorce rate.

Gabby Sidibe Covers Elle - Why Can't We Be Happy

photo courtesy of Clutch Magazine

I don't get out much. So, reading the news this morning of Gabby Sidibe being on the cover of Elle Magazine's October 25th anniversary issue was indeed news to me. Gabby was the virtual unknown that took Tinseltown by storm with her powerful performance in the box office hit Precious. I've not seen the movie. The storyline was and is just a bit too much for me. My heart can only take so much. Seriously.

Sidibe plays the central character, Claireece "Precious" Jones, an illiterate, obese, 16-year-old girl with two children (both of whom are the products of being raped by her father) trying to escape the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse at the hands of her parents.

Apparently there's a bit of a backlash going on regarding Ms. Sidibe's cover. Elle is being blasted for not glam-ming Gabby up enough. Well that's putting it mildly. The outrage is over the unflattering photographs with emphasis on Gabby's atrocious weave.

I've read comments ranging from she's ugly...she's fat...the weave looks like an old used up brillo pad that has seen too many greasy pots and too many anti-humidity products.

I must agree with these photos not being the best I think the magazine could have done. Surely this young lady has a glam squad that takes care of hair, make-up, wadrobe, etc. So, if they're out there they should certainly shoulder some of the blame.

But about Gabby (personally)

No Gabby isn’t what most of us have become accustomed to by Tinseltown standards of beautiful. No Gabby isn’t the pencil size most of the chicks in Hollywood fall in the category of…hell, she’s not even the average size 14 most statistics claim the “average” American woman is.

But another thing she is not …..is ugly.

Gabby is a diamond in the rough just like many newcomers to Hollywood have been. I've seen plenty of photos of aspiring actresses a few minutes after they've stepped off the bus. Stark comparisons to how they eventually look after a bit of polishing. Yeah, she's a big girl with a bad weave. But she's a pretty girl.

As far as Gabby’s weight, the nurse and black woman (since we're labeled as being the most obese) in me want to drag her to the track and put Jenny Craig on speed dial. but I’ve been reading a lot about fat acceptance lately and have began to wonder if I’m biased about “fat” because it’s unhealthy (definitely up for discussion) or unsightly. Case and point would be me and my sister. She's three years older than me, rarely exercises and has been obese her entire adult life. I, on the other hand, have never been overweight, exercise regularly, watch what I eat and I'm the one suffering from hypertension.

I don’t know how healthy, happy or satisfied she is with her appearance. So, who am I to make that judgment call.

We need to step out of this cultural box of what beauty is and is not. For years I never imagined I could be beautiful with a head full of nappy, tightly coiled natural hair. And here I am rocking my fro like nobody's business. And I dare you to tell me I'm not the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen.

But alas, if you did, it would be merely your opinion and wouldn't put a dent in my self-esteem at all. Words of advice for my little sister Gabby!

Rock on Gabby!

Rhema Marvanne - Awesome

...just listen

Find out more about this 7-year-old Texan here

GIMME A COLD ONE.......A COKE THAT IS!

Is there a “Dummies Guide to Letting People Know That You Don’t Drink, Without Coming Off as Judgmental”? If not, someone needs to get started writing it……I will be at your first book signing! Apparently, I haven’t found the perfect way to say “No thank you” when offered a drink.

There have been so many occasions that I have been treated like an outcast simply because I don’t drink. People can’t seem to wrap their minds around the notion that someone can have fun without needing alcohol. Whenever I’m offered a drink, the conversation usually goes like this:

(Host) “Would you like a drink?”

(Me) “No thank you, but I would like a bottled water if it’s no bother”

(Host) “What’s the matter….you don’t drink?”

(Here’s where it gets tricky!)

(Me) “No I don’t”

(Host) “Why? Is it against your religion or something?” “You got a problem with people drinking?”

(Me) “Not at all…I just choose not to drink”

(Host) “Have you ever had a drink?”

(Me) “Yes, I used to drink, but a few years ago I decided to stop for personal reasons. (Then I attempt to change the subject, because I am about to hurt someone’s feelings!)

I am stymied as to what else to say. (This is where you guys come in).

Usually by this point in the conversation, the host has this “Oh, you think you’re better than me” vibe going on. By then, I have already scoped out the front door, but to leave abruptly would further fuel the fire.

Alcohol is legal and it is a socially acceptable form of refreshment. Drink up!! I have no problem at all with people drinking. It’s just not for me. Why is that so hard to accept?!

Dealing With That Word

A few weeks back I contributed my two cents to a discussion that had the blogosphere ablaze. A former radio personality found herself caught in a whirlwind of criticism, praise, indifference and contempt for offering up some pretty slipshod advice to a particular caller. You can read the post here.

Visiting friends added to the conversation with some really thought provoking comments. One response in particular inspired much self reflection and presented me with a view point I hadn't heard nor ever considered as being a solution to dealing with the issue. It was written by a young woman who's new to my blog but her voice of reason, intellect and rhetorical prowess always adds depth and substantive meaning to the conversation. So much so that I wanted to share her response in case you missed it. Plus, it's a deliciously devious way of creating a guest post.



Response to Somebody Slit My Wrists! It's That Damn N-Word Again

i have no clue what dr. laura did, but i can guess.

i have no idea what to do about this word, but if there was a documentary about it -- about nothing but THAT WORD -- i'd watch it, because i think the worst thing about this is NOT what the word "means", or even how it makes anyone feel, but the idea that so many people have allowed six little runes in a certain order become such a weapon.

any time anyone says "this word must never be uttered again! we will REACT REACT REACT if we hear that anyone has used it!"... all it takes is one teeny little coward, all alone in a room, to WHISPER it, and THEY'VE won the game.

telling people not to do something never works. running around trying to punish all the people who do it anyway never works.

so what WOULD happen if, for an entire day, people just decided "if we hear this word -- and it's directed at us -- we will just look with pity upon the person who says it, perhaps even sneer, and go on our way as the better individual?"

what if people did that for a month? a year?

isn't the power supposed to be with the people who can be HURT by this word -- not with the people who use it? (and i understand, sometimes, it's the same people -- but sometimes not.)

so here i am, a white mom with a black daughter, and i am sure that i am speeding down the road of time to the point where this word IS going to bring me to tears, because my guess is i will see the day when it has brought my daughter to tears. (we won't even go into the words my son will hear, as a korean.) what will i do? what can i say to her? i'm not entirely sure. all i know is this word has NOTHING to do with her, or any other black person we know.

i hope i can tell her that anybody calling her that makes about as much sense as somebody calling ME a nigger. which i could walk away from quite easily, as it makes no "sense". it should make as little sense to my baby. right?

OR -- am i shutting her off to something that she should (when old enough, please), be allowed to experience the hurt of, as part of who she is as a black american? isn't this part of what we willingly do as part of our ethnic identity -- learn about how others "like us" were treated and feel the bond of empathy?

i could go on and on, i guess. but i do not like the idea that there is a WORD out there that is so bad that it describes something WORSE than any human could ever be. that is giving a word a LOT of power. and if you say "nobody may EVER EVER EVER SAY THAT WORD," isn't that the implication? that it's bigger than we are?

Amber.

Visit her blog when you get a chance - Voluptuous Stoicism

Where's My Damn Soap Box!

I don't care how many people say it won't do any good. I don't care how many times I'm talked about for trying to be Miss Goody Goody. I will never stop speaking my mind and calling out people who deserve to wear the label menace to society, even if it is my personal opinion.

Most of you know I tweet and follow all those who follow me. The only way you get a one-way ticket to unfollow land is if I happen to catch a few of your tweets that are deemed inappropriate by me...using vile, racist (yes, the N-word being used by black folks is racists too), misogynistic language is a big no-no in my Twitter etiquette book.

I don't follow celebrities. What's the point? Our culture has turned most of them into egotistical replicas of who they were prior to achieving celebrity-hood. Why feed it any further. I did break down and follow @SarahPalinUSA. That was only to respond to her foolishness with tweets of my own. I'm sure she never reads the negative replies she receives but it sure makes a girl feel good to know that there's a possibility she might catch a glimpse of my wrath!

I was reading an article at Change.org about a recent Twitter beef (yes, there is such a thing) that's ongoing between 50 Cent and Perez Hilton. 50 is a rapper and Perez Hilton is a pretty famous blogger.

Apparently, 50 said some pretty homophobic and nasty things about Hilton, an openly gay individual, after Hilton called him a pretty nasty name. Oh, it's all so juvenile. But hey, it's the world we live in.

What's really shocking to me is not just 50's comments to Perez...but 50's entire Twitter stream. I've never seen such a disease festering display of the inner thoughts of a human being in my life. He rattles on nonstop with insult after insult after insult. You would think anyone with common sense (not 50 cents) would be fearful of posting such garbage. I mean this guy's career, money and rep have been at the expense of the folks who buy his music.

50 has over three (3) million followers on Twitter and his tweets are usually re-tweeted by 100+ users every time his fingers stroke the keyboard.

The misogynistic tweets seem to be his favorites:

But his rhetorical genius blatant ignorance doesn't stop there.

Ah, then there's his sensitive side regarding his children:

Put your eyes back in your head. This guy isn't the only one posting ignorance...140 characters at a time. It's epidemic. But who he is and what he's saying carries far more weight because of his name. Damn it! And as much as I love social media and instant methods of communication, this is also why I hate it.

Had it not been for Twitter...I never would have known how ignorant this guy really is. Nor would I have to deal with the devastating notion that over three million people some where in this world think this mess is worthy of following.

Is this our world, our society, our future?

The times of corruption are those when the apples fall from the tree: I mean the individuals, for they carry the seeds of the future and are the authors of the spiritual colonization and origin of new states and communities. Corruption is merely a nasty word for the autumn of a people. - Nietzsche

Is this our autumn?