I love the people I work with. But more importantly than my love for them is my appreciation for not being a hot head. Oh, sure from time to time I log in to Blogger and sound off about issues that get under my skin. It's my sounding board, my journal, my (im)personal space, a means to an end.
As surprising as it may be, I'm not quite as vocal...(well...) in the real world. I've always been viewed by family, friends and loosely associated acquaintances as the peace keeper. I kind of like that. I don't like to argue. Debate, yes. I don't enjoy a tense or hostile work environment. I'm flexible. So, bending is not beneath me. As long as my back isn't broken in the process.
Take myself and one of my female coworkers, for example. She's about six years younger than me, married, the mother of two precious girls and white. She doesn't mind telling it like it is with the finger snap and neck roll to go along with every word. And Miss Thang can dance her ass off!
Me, on the other hand, always striving to find that common ground...never wanting to part ways angry...not very animated when I'm making a point, setting you straight or getting you told. I just say it and leave it. To complete the comparison of the two of us, let it be known from hence now and forever more that ....I can't dance a lick. If you think Bristol Palin is stiff, meet up with me after I''ve gotten a few drinks on board and dare to hit the dance floor. Let's just say It Ain't Pretty!
Because of our different styles, including the level of dancing skills each of us have some of our other coworkers have taken to calling me Becky and her, Ebony. Get the picture.
It's all in fun. So, I'm cool with it. Besides, it helps squash a couple of stereotypes that have existed far too long about certain behaviors always being associated with certain groups of people.
Last night we were all sitting around talking and our Human Resource Director strolled in. He's late forties with a thick Southern accent, extremely articulate and intelligent...married with children...loves his alma mater with a passion, enjoys his motorcycle, tailgating during college football season all while keeping a watchful eye on us.
He stayed around for about half an hour small talking....observing....discussing some HR tidbits....observing....sharing stories about himself and his family....observing. Then he finally left.
That's always when the real talk begins...you know...after the powers that be have made their impromptu appearances and then casually stroll out.
One of the first comments one of my white coworkers made was. "He's really strange. He acts too white". Not he's trying to act white...but he acts too white.
Too white?
For those who haven't figured it out, he's a black man.
I'm familiar with the old trying to act white phenomenon as verbalized by many people of color about blacks who prefer grammatical correctness to slang, dress a certain way, strive for and accept nothing less than academic excellence from themselves and their children, have the ability to socialize and interact comfortably with those outside of their race and other gibberish folks oddly enough tend to look down on you for doing. But I don't think I've ever heard a white person accuse a black person of acting white.
When blacks accuse other blacks of perpetuating what they feel is fraudulent, un-natural behavior it's offensive to the accusers. How dare you try to be more than what you are. Damn...subjugation and de-humanization can do some terrible things to people's minds.
However, I wasn't really sure how to take this coming from a non-black person. Was she offended that in her mind's eye he was trying to be like her? Was it as insulting (or even more so) coming from her as it would have been coming from a person of color? Is this her way of calling him, his life, his views...a big fat fraud? Has he gone beyond her whiteness and dived feet first into the too white end of the pool?
The conversation kept rattling along. No one responded to her comment. No one called her out on it. Everyone seemed to act as if they didn't hear it.
I did. And in life sometimes you're given what's termed as a window of opportunity. Mine was right after she made that statement. I should have asked her to elaborate on exactly what she meant by it...not to start an argument or a debate...just to see where she was actually coming from in her assertion.
I didn't and hardly doubt I'd receive the same honest, raw and uncut answer now that my window has closed.
But I'm most certain the time will come again.
I'm familiar with the old trying to act white phenomenon as verbalized by many people of color about blacks who prefer grammatical correctness to slang, dress a certain way, strive for and accept nothing less than academic excellence from themselves and their children, have the ability to socialize and interact comfortably with those outside of their race and other gibberish folks oddly enough tend to look down on you for doing. But I don't think I've ever heard a white person accuse a black person of acting white.
When blacks accuse other blacks of perpetuating what they feel is fraudulent, un-natural behavior it's offensive to the accusers. How dare you try to be more than what you are. Damn...subjugation and de-humanization can do some terrible things to people's minds.
However, I wasn't really sure how to take this coming from a non-black person. Was she offended that in her mind's eye he was trying to be like her? Was it as insulting (or even more so) coming from her as it would have been coming from a person of color? Is this her way of calling him, his life, his views...a big fat fraud? Has he gone beyond her whiteness and dived feet first into the too white end of the pool?
The conversation kept rattling along. No one responded to her comment. No one called her out on it. Everyone seemed to act as if they didn't hear it.
I did. And in life sometimes you're given what's termed as a window of opportunity. Mine was right after she made that statement. I should have asked her to elaborate on exactly what she meant by it...not to start an argument or a debate...just to see where she was actually coming from in her assertion.
I didn't and hardly doubt I'd receive the same honest, raw and uncut answer now that my window has closed.
But I'm most certain the time will come again.
