Do We Really Have To Go There?

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I hate those conversations that you know are about to go south before they even get started. You try to skirt the issue/topic but you just know there's really no way around it.

Yesterday a friend and I were talking - just casual small talk about life, love, sex - you know the good stuff. For the sake of full disclosure, let me just say this person and I are very well acquainted and I think he's the best thing since the discovery of fire - warm, affectionate, attentive, intelligent, sexy, and super hot!

Anyway, during the conversation he asked me how much I weighed (pause). (replay) he asked me how much I weighed. I know. That IS the cardinal no-no! But I wasn't insulted because we do this all the time. He tells me about how much he's gained or lost and I used to tell him about my weight. I lost 3 more pounds or I weighed blah blah blah this morning - just part of our daily small talk, I guess.

Lately I haven't been as forthcoming with him about my weight. Even when he would share his routine weigh-in results with me I remained silent. Silence born out of the knowledge that I've gained about 10 pounds since we met.

At first I didn't think he'd notice. My clothes are a bit snugger but I'll just wear this blouse on the outside instead of shoving it in my jeans like a normally do - or I'll hold my tummy in when he wraps his arms around me so he won't feel this little kangaroo pouch that's taken up residence around my mid section. Stupid little ol' me didn't consider what to do on the occasions that I'm in my birthday suit - STOP BREATHING - THINK SMALL WHILE CHANTING: LIGHT AS A FEATHER ... LIGHT AS A FEATHER ... OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD?!

Well guess what? He noticed and as soon as he finally summoned the courage to ask me the question...I knew where he was headed.

So, I reply casually "I don't know. I gave my mom my scale and I haven't weighed since". Next silly question out of my mouth .... "why?"

Can you believe it!? I know I'm about to be told I look bigger or I noticed your kangaroo pouch while you were asleep or it took your ass 10 minutes to make it in the room after you! Still the only thing I can think of in response is why!

In his defense, he was much kinder than I was expecting. He said "I was just curious. I know you haven't been walking as much as you usually do. You just need to stay on course and don't get too soft. You're not as toned as you used to be".

Toned. Oh what a nice way to say your ass is fat!!! Because that's really all I heard. I impulsively got defensive and ranted about how hurt my feelings were and yada yada yada.

But truth be known - I'm glad he did it. Of course, I knew! I mean if you look at your body day in and day out, see that your clothes are shrinking, or happen to catch a few dimples smiling at you that haven't been there before - YOU KNOW.

Denial is funny though. You blame it on water weight, hormonal changes, clothes shrinking trolls that attack your wardrobe when you're not looking or any other delusional reason to keep shoveling in those burgers, fries, cookies and sodas. Usually it's my own observations and a decision to start getting things in gear that jolt me back to reality.

This time it came from someone that's almost as important to me as me, not quite, but close.

So, if you look for me and can't find me, I'll be hitting the neighborhood, feet first or riding my bike with Jacob or in the fruit and vegetable section instead of down the Hostess cupcake and Twinkie aisle. Time to make life list #27 a reality.