Pet Diaries - From a Dog and Cat's Perspective

Every now and then you run across something that is almost priceless...and this Pet Diary posted on FunnyJunk.com is definitely worth re-posting. I didn't realize just how 'spot on' this human interpretation of what dogs and cats might possibly be thinking was until I became the proud tormentor owner of two kittehs of my own.

Here's an excerpt from a dog's diary

8:00am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
13:00pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
15:00pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
17:00pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
19:00pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
20:00pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
23:00pm - Sleeping on my bed! My favorite thing!

Here's an excerpt from a cat's diary

Day 983 of my captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped it's headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I'm capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies'. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He his regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.......

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