Yesterday Was the Beginning at the End

Well as of yesterday I am officially d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d. It has taken one year and two months to sort out all the details, court ordered proclamations, custody/visitation, and property settlement. To the unknowing...you would have thought we were J.R and Sue Ellen Ewing. But alas, it was little old me and little old him.

My attorney's office called me about a week ago telling me that the paperwork was ready. I wasn't in any real hurry. I figured since "he" had drawn it out for over a year with foolishness...one more week really wasn't all that bad.

After being separated for nearly 3 years now, I thought I would slip a few shots of Tequila and three male strippers in my purse for an impromptu celebration as soon as the ink dried on the documents.....gotta get a bigger purse.

The strange thing is as I sat there proof reading the paperwork...looking for any undotted i's or uncrossed t's....the idea of a celebration wasn't even close to what I was feeling.

Don't get me wrong...it's been over for a long time. Still, I couldn't shake this feeling of numbness and yes...sadness at the realization that something that's been a part of my life since I was 18 years old (good and bad) was finally over.

After signing and listening to what I hope were some of the last instructions from my attorney, I stepped out into the cold dry morning air and briskly walked to my car.

I hopped in and put the keys in the switch and let the artificially warmed air comfort my chilly exterior but it didn't do a thing for my heart.....still numb, cold, and slightly aching over so many wasted years.

Then I noticed Jacob's little toy race car on the floor beneath the passenger seat. I peered out of my rearview mirror and saw the sticker I display with pride on my back window Proud Army Mom.

I realized that the years between 1988 and 2006, in spite of all the hurt, pain and irreconcilable differences, two of my greatest treasures in life had been created.

For that, I can only thank God and look forward to the happiness that has eluded me for so long......my happy ending.

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