November 12, 2009

My Mama Visited Me Today

As long as I live, I will consider myself fortunate for so many different things. I've been blessed with two beautiful sons, a loving family, a rewarding professional career, good friends and good health. These are factors I can measure without the help of any outside influence. Other blessings aren't realized until you've compared your life with others.

When I was born my mother was 23 years old. I was her second child. She lived at home with her mother who was 46 at the time. Being a single parent is difficult to say the least. A strong support system is so helpful in venturing down that road known as parenting. So, I had the nurturing love of a mother and the watchful supervisory eye of a grandmother to keep me on the straight and narrow.

These two matriarchs of the family would have been enough but God was kind enough to grant me a third blessing, a great grandmother. She was 70 years old when I was born and remained a steadfast part of my life for the next 27 years and for me that was priceless.

  Family members affectionately called her "Mama" because...well she actually was everyone's "mama" - a tall strong slender woman with beautiful chestnut brown skin and coal black hair. Her eyes were dark brown with a hint of blue outlining them. She was a beautiful woman. When she died in 1997 she had only been in the hospital once in her life. At the age of 97, Mama drifted off to sleep peacefully.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Shortly after her death I would constantly dream of her. She and I would be in the most beautiful places - large palatial style rooms with white sheer curtains gently dancing from the cool wind blowing. The rays of the sun warming our faces as we talked, laughed, danced and got reacquainted.

After several months of these wonderful unconscious experiences, the dreams stopped. Sometimes I would find myself purposefully attempting to will myself to dream about her...but with no success - until last night.

It was one of those dreams that you don't realize was a dream at all until you wake. The scenery was different this time. Mama was sitting on my bed with my head cradled in her lap. This was so comfortable and familiar I wouldn't have given it a second thought except for what I remember her telling me.

She was stroking the side of my face and softly whispering that everything was going to be alright. She told me that she would always be here for me and not to worry. As soothing as her words and the sound of her voice were, I am worried. It kind of reminded me of how Edward would always come to Bella in the movie Twilight when she was doing something careless or reckless.

I thought about the dream for a while and decided to clear my head by doing a little blog reading. The first blog I visited Incurable Insomniac had a quote posted that read:

See the state of your current life and say: Enough!
You are taking the brush to paint something new over
that old canvas - Vitor
Maybe I wouldn't be so concerned if I wasn't one of those people who don't believe in coincidence. Nothing just happens. Everything happens for a reason - good or bad. I'm just wondering what it all means...

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