They say you're blessed with good luck when your son looks exactly like you and vice versa when the daughter looks like the father. Well Jacob's entrance into the world 8 years ago certainly should have bestowed the best luck ever upon his dear sweet mother.He's an absolute jewel - even tempered, bright, athletic, full of life, sensitive (beyond his years) and a pleasure to be around. That's what makes his not being here with me so painful.
My ex and I share joint custody of Jacob. Although we had come to the end of our season together, our love for both our boys is immeasurable. The oldest is currently in Basic Training (Ft. Sill, Ok - paying for college) which leaves Jacob here with us.
The schedule isn't ideal. We spend one week at a time with Jacob. On Sunday evenings he comes to me and breaks my heart one week later when he's dropped off to spend the week with his dad.
Since his father and I have been separated for so long, we've never formally told Jacob that we're divorced but I know somehow he knows. He showers me with kisses and tells me every second that he loves me more than anything in the world. Knowing my son the way that I do...I know he tells his dad the exact same thing which definitely makes me happy. He doesn't say that as much as he used to. I think in his own way he was letting us both know how much each of us meant to him.
I want him to understand it's okay to love us both equally and I want him to know that we love him dearly as well. Although we can't love him as a family unit, we certainly can love him as individual parents.
We have a little "love affirmation" that we constantly say to one another throughout the day: I say "I love you Jacob." He says "I love you more". I say "I love you most". He says "I love you more than most". I say "There's nothing 'more' than most". He says "Yes there is". I say "What?". He says "My love for you."
I hope he's getting the best of both of us. My greatest fear is that this back and forth will somehow taint him in some way. But it's the best of the worst case scenario. I certainly can't imagine being away from him longer than one week at a time.
Sharing is hard to do...
